Do you know yourself?

Hey,

Do you know yourself?

Your personality? What you like? What makes you angry? What scares you?

And mostly, what kind of person are you?

As I have talked about in my previous posts:

Get Over Her.

Stuck in my head

♀ or ♂??

littlebustersr3

I think I like girls. I’ve talked about my crush, which lead me to start questioning my sexuality but this post I want to talk about me. Yup, I am a self-obsessed brat.

Regarding others being gay, I’ve always accepted and seen them equally to me but I always thought as a little girl, I’d find a cute boyfriend and we would fall in love. I convinced myself I had crushes on boys I knew but never had that feeling. Now that’s changed my lives gone crazy.

Who am I now? I thought I knew myself and what I wanted. My future has blurred out and I’m being chucked into reality. (Great description I know!)

Some people are against labels, which I completely understand. Sometimes people shouldn’t be forced into a box. But I feel like if I can label myself I can learn more about who I am as a person.

I want to know. I want to be able to say “I’m gay” or “I’m straight” confidently, I don’t like being confused…

I want to know who I am.

Thanks for all your support .3.

SEND HELP!

Lexi

 

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Boys are weird.

Hey!

Doesn’t it suck when your friend won’t talk to you because his crush thinks your together and he thinks that not talking to me you will prove you aren’t a couple :/

Boys are weird.

He either has some weird problem solving issues or is trying to get rid of me. Probably the latter.

SEND HELP!

Lexi

Get Over Her.

Hey,

Its been a while, but as I said when I made this blog. I will only post when I need too.


Your too different to be together,
So why do you keep hoping?
You know it will never work,
So why do you keep trying?
You’ve never felt like this before.
So why does it seem so natural?
You think your confident and clever.
So why does that desert you when you meet her eyes?
You might forget her,
So why does it begin again when you see her smile?
You thought you knew what you were doing,

But you don’t.


 Blogging is like an emotional dump. That makes it sound horrible! I’m ruining the mood now. But in all seriousness, I have no idea what I’m doing, why I haven’t moved on because I know nothing can ever happen. When I was younger, I wished I would fall in love or even have a crush on someone. I changed my mind.

Have a great Bank Holiday weekend!

SEND HELP!

Lexi

Stuck in my head

Hey!

So this is kinda part two to my ♀ or ♂?? post. A lot has happened.

Too anyone that doesn’t know, keeping it short, I like a girl. She’s different to the type of person I would normally make friends with, so at first I thought. “Maybe this is just a new friend thing. I enjoy spending time with her”, I recon this is my first “crush” so I have absolutely no experience whatsoever. I knew something was different but I wasn’t sure what I wanted.

Did I want her to be my friend? Best friend? Or girlfriend? I wasn’t sure.

Its been a month now and we’ve got a lot closer. I don’t know if this is love or just a crush thing but the more time we spend together the more I like about her. Her sense of humour, when she calls me “awkward” and when she smiles like a child about to do something they know is wrong.

We sit next to each other in one class and I was expressing my hatred of the Geography and she suggested we bunked off together. I’ve bunked off before but I’ve tried to stop before anyone gets suspicious. I’m glad I went with her.

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We messed around and hid from teachers, took pictures of each other looking shifty and contemplated what we should do. We talked. I love how she’s notices things about me, like who I’m comfortable with and my reaction to getting picked on in class.

  1. I find her cute and she’s not the typical blond, tanned type meaning I don’t just like her for her looks!!

  2. I can’t stop thinking about her

  3. I have the most fun when I’m with her

  4. I care more about what she thinks about me then I have for anyone else

  5. I overanalyse everything she says

  6. I can’t stop smiling right now

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What do I do now? I’ve liked her for years but only got to know her recently. My first goal was to be friends then see what happens….

If I tell her I like her then what if she doesn’t like me back?! I don’t want to ruin out friendship, I’d prefer friends then nothing.

She is all I ever think about, this is something different. I know it.

She might not even be gay. Do feelings like this pass???

SEND HELP

Lexi

The Blue Sky Tag

Hey,

My first tag! Pretty awesome, so thanks to Shivee who nominated me for it!

The Rules

  • Give 11 questions
  • Tag 11 people
  • Answer 11 questions given to you

Questions given to me:

  • How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
  • I look a bit younger then I am, so maybe 13? Unfortunately I still have a young face!
  • Would you rather have fame or power?
  • Power, but only because I hate being stared at by lots of people!
  • Which is your favourite TV show and movie?
  • I don’t watch many TV shows but my favourite movie is Maze Runner because I get really into action and mystery films. When I finished watching it I talked non-stop and half convinced myself it was real.
  • What is one life saving advice you could give to someone from your experience?
  • If an animal growls at you, don’t pet it.
  • Give 2 tips to gain more followers?
  • Speaking as a very unexperienced person, just keep posting and take interest in other peoples blogs. If you support them, they will support you. WordPress if by far the nicest place on the internet.
  • Describe yourself in a single world.
  • ANotVeryFunnyFailComplation
  • Would you rather have the power to read 10 times faster or to look 10 times more charming/beautiful?
  • 100% 10 times more beautiful. I mean I like how I look but I already read very fast and no matter what people say, everyone judges each other by their appearance. I saw a video, where someone filmed a social experiment proving that beauty makes people assume you are rich, good and honest. And also cause imagine the self confidence you would have???
  • Name the book you are currently reading or have read lately.
  • I’m a total Potter geek and I’ve been re-reading the Harry Potter series. I just finished The Goblet of Fire.
  • If you had a choice which cartoon character would you be?
  • Violet, the teenage girl from the Incredibles, I think we have a spiritual connection. I’m not weird, I swear.
  • What is one great writing advice you would like to give?
  • My constant aim is to try and make my posts not cringey. I’m failing dismally but my technique is mocking myself so you guys have less say. I’m joking, you guys are all angels ❤
  • What is the one thing you would like to change in your country?
  • The stereotypical food should be donuts, everyone likes donuts.

My nominees:

(Sorry if you have already been tagged. I’m pretty new still so I don’t know that many people! Thank you guys all for your support!!)

In no particular order:

  1. maksblogv
  2. Rosinalee
  3. teenblog303
  4. creativecraftsdiy
  5. styledcolorfully
  6. Diversion3000
  7. Suhana Coco
  8. shivashishspeaks
  9. copehope
  10. knottedstar
  11. theditorsjournal (your posts were such a great boost to start me off!)

Woo! And now, your questions.


My questions to you:

  1. What is the weather like when you are reading this question?
  2. Outside or inside?
  3. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would you change?
  4. If you could learn to become professional at something overnight, what would you choose?
  5. Books or films?
  6. Its Friday night and you can either stay at home and relax or go out and spend time with your friends. What do you choose?
  7. What are you writing this post on? (Tablet? Laptop? Rock?)
  8. Summer or winter?
  9. Halloween or Firework Night?
  10. If a genie gave you one wish, what would you wish?
  11. Would you prefer to be too hot or too cold?


Thank you for reading! Have a great weekend!

Lexi Rivers

 

 

Photo Project

Hey,

I’m not an “extra curricular” person, but I’ve started a D of E course, (in which you have to pick a skill, physical and volunteering, and do two of them for 3 months and one of them for 6).

My dad was a photographer, so I decided to try it out for my skill. I’m three weeks in, and I’m pretty proud of some of my photos, so I wanted to share my favourites! Hope you like them 🙂

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The Door to Winter
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The Invasion of Darkness
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Alliance

 

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I Have Run Out of Dramatic Names

 

What should I call the one above?

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The Devils Punch Bowl

Do you guys like photography? Which photo did you like the most? Any tips?

I am loving this project so maybe I might post some more pictures later on.

If your new to my blog, check out my About page here, but if you want (Please, please, please! I’m joking, I’m not that desperate … Yet) check out some of my more recent posts, such as: My Lazy Ass Brain and ♀ or ♂?? .

Thanks for all your support ❤

Lexi

Moving on…Wait no, I’m not dying its ok.

Hey,

First, lets appreciate my title … And while your at it, check out my other posts! (Left-hand side) Ok. Now I forgot what I wanted to talk about.

Oh yeah! Moving on, socially.

In junior school, I used to be really shy. I even had this thing, I didn’t tell anyone about which was when I started talking to new adults, my eyes started to water. Luckily in year 4, or “3rd grade” in America, we had a male teacher that “pulled me outta my shell”. I was such a rebel. I was chewing on my pen once and he put his hand out, so he could confiscate it and I gave him my rubber instead. THE REBELLION HAS STARTED.

I wasn’t popular, but I’m pretty sure everyone like me. Apart from a few individuals, that I wont name for there privacy, *cough* Georgie. I only got a best friend in the end of year 4, she was a weird kid. Obsessed with dinosaurs and Pokémon, but we got on well. We began to drift apart, as I began to feel her obsessions annoying, and I made a new best friend, who wasn’t obsessed with dinosaurs which was refreshing.

She was SUPER nice and popular we were inseparable. (Lets call her Marina). Well that was until around senior school. Marina and I were separated into different classes, but we vowed to stay best friends. For a couple of years, we did. I didn’t make any new friends, it probably was some of the worst years of my life, luckily, my life has been pretty good so it wasn’t THAT bad! I was doing badly in school, I was liked but it wasn’t the same. I was unhappy. I didn’t have anyone, that I really had a connection with, if you know what I mean. Marina was in a different class from me, and I barely saw her each day.

I began to socialize with different groups. I wasn’t truly accepted though. That’s when, I spent one time with my dinosaur obsessed friend (Luckily she isn’t obsessed with them anymore, she’s moved onto memes and gym). She had made a new friend who laughed at EVERYTHING. It was a lot of fun hanging out with them. The next year, I was in more classes with Marina, she was delighted. But as I spent more time with her, I realised that it wasn’t fun to hang out with her anymore. Was it always that bland, spending time with her? Or have I just moved on? It might of been because I had made two new awesome friends. But I was happy again.

In senior school, there are different requirements to be popular. You need to be friends with other popular girls (meh), pretty (HELL YES), have a lot of branded clothes (not really), liked by the opposite gender (not yet) and confident. Marina didn’t really fit into all of these categories, she was pretty but not that confident, obsessed with boys and clothes. I know she was going through a harder time, not fitting into many groups. She still saw me as her best friend, but I didn’t.

She wasn’t fun to be around anymore.

What should I do? Should I tell her? Or should I just leave it? Has this ever happened to you?

Thanks for reading, check out my other school related post,” My Lazy Ass Brain ” and ” ♀ or ♂??

SEND HELP!

Lexi

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PS Just found this picture while searching for the featured image. I’ve never related more to something in my life.

My Lazy Ass Brain

Hey,

I’m pretty bad at life in general. I’m pretty smart, but I have mad procrastination tendencies, which means I basically prioritise everything but the things I need to do.

I convince myself I can listen to music, AND write an essay. I can’t. And I know this is going to get me into tonnes of trouble later in life. I’m good at homework I like, IT and designing things, which is pretty much what I want to do.

Yesterday I narrowly avoided getting caught cheating. Yup I cheat, I know its wrong, and I wouldn’t do it in an exam. I’m just bad at focusing. It was Spanish class, we were being tested on some words, I normally shove my vocab book under my desk and angle it so I can see it easily. I sit on the front row, but I can normally do it. This time, my teacher stood directly next to my desk. I was cursing in my head, I couldn’t look at it now. So I acted out writing the words.

When we check our tests, we swap it with the person sitting next to us. Luckily that is my friend, so I gave her a little “you know what to do” wink. But my teacher watched her mark mine, that’s when I knew she was onto me. My friend saw her to, and instead of writing 10/10, she was forced to write 3/10. I’m in the top language group. So my teacher, normally just says. “Did anyone not get 10/10?” I knew she saw I hadn’t so I raised my hand, I stupidly said “8”. “No, you didn’t” she said, “show ,me your test book”. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

I had two choices, show her I got 3, or refuse to show her.  I went for neither, “Oh, sorry, I misread it.” Don’t even try Lexi, everyone knows you lied, “I got 3”. The teacher gave me a look and told me to come to the retest, next week.

Yup, great badass story I know. The point was, I always tell myself to turn over a new leaf and work. Because I know, I could do well. I never do.

Do you find it hard to study? Or did you?

If you guys have any advice that might help me focus, that would be AWESOME. Hope everyone is having a good weekend!

Lexi

♀ or ♂??

Hey,

Have you ever had a crush? I have practically no experience with this kind of thing, so if you guys have any advice, it would definitely be appreciated!

Ok, so I think I have a crush on a girl in my year. I’ve never had a proper crush before, I’ve seen people that I think are good looking and hot, but this is different. If you are a girl, I bet 99.9% you have played truth or dare, and have been asked who you have a crush on. Do you tell them? I always said, I didn’t have one. No one would believe me, “what about that boy you said was hot?”, its not the same thing. In the end I would make up that I liked someone “from out of school” just to keep them quiet.

Now a days, if someone asked me. I still wouldn’t say anything. Not because I’m scared, but I don’t want people to think of me differently. I mean COME ON, I go to an all-girls school, everyone will think I’m in love with them or something. Also, I’m not CERTAIN I’m gay, and imagine if I told everyone, then I realised I was straight. Yup, that would not be great.

I’m pretty confused with my sexuality still, but that’s not weird, because I’m a teenager. That’s what happens. Everyone questions it. I haven’t kissed a boy since I was 10 and I’ve never kissed a girl, so I don’t have much comparison.

I’m pretty sure its a crush. I love her cute grin. She smiles more then she thinks she does. She has dark hair and eyes, and pale face dotted with freckles. We share similarities such as the dislike of exercise and the love of anime and YouTube (our generation is so screwed!). I want her to like me, to think I’m cute too. When she told a girl she looked pretty, something in me flared up. The problem is, she isn’t interested in me. We are on speaking terms, I could ask to borrow a pencil, or whatever, but she doesn’t hang out with me and her best friend and mine are in an argument. Thanks guys!  Everyone says “be yourself” but if you like someone and they don’t like you, you want to know how you can change that. Right? I realised we must be too different, but how can In think about someone all the time, if we don’t have much in common?

I know she is probably never going to like me, the way I like her. I don’t even know if she likes girls. *sigh* I’m joking, its ok.

If you guys have any experience, please pass it on! If you are new to my blog, check out my about page:  ” Welcome..? “and my “Awkward First Post“.

Hope everyone had a good day 🙂

See you guys around,

Lexi

 

 

Awkward First Post

Hey,

Welcome to my blog, I’ve just finished writing a fabulous piece about my blog so I can’t see the point writing much in my first post. View it —here

I mean, I don’t wanna get into the deep stuff yet, save that for another time (mainly because I’m a pretty uninteresting person, so I might get to the stage where my posts will be:

Hey,

Went to school today. It was ok. I got maths homework. Its really hard.

Bye!

Wow, that would suck.)

Anyway. I’m pretty bad at first posts, and I should know because I have three other (failed) accounts. I worked out, you can’t say your email is “h.ellno@btinternet.com” because you need to VERIFY it. Life is so hard.

Hey, that wasn’t to awkward. Dammit, now I have to come up with a “goodbye” or something, that I have to stick too for the rest of my blogging career or it will annoy me.

Ok. Here goes.

Thanks for reading this post. I probably wont consistently post, but … it will keep you on your toes (who?! The only person that is reading this is YOU, deciding whether to delete this account off every record possible.)

Adios!

God dammit.

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